Hakuna matata, by Kim
Below is a note to you, from our own Kim Graham-Nye, president and co-founder of gDiapers.
Dear g Mamas and Pappas,
I wanted to write a note to all our amazing gPeeps and fill you in on what I have been up to these past few months. Back in January, Jason made a very difficult decision and he asked me to take a 6 month sabbatical away from gDiapers. This was hard for him to say. And harder for me to hear. gDiapers is my baby. I could never leave it. But he could see that the years of pressure, lack of sleep, and endless juggling between mum and company president had passed the point of just being unhealthy and were now truly destroying my spirit.
There were many tears from my side, along with feelings of anger, humiliation, and betrayal. Even in the midst of falling apart, it is crazy how hard we hold on to our patterns and illusions.
The week after all this went down, there was a gTea at the office. I sat at home and bawled my eyes out – wishing I could be there. I knew there was no way I could sit in Portland, have Jason go to gHQ everyday, and not be a part of it. It was pure torture. If I was going to find myself and my true spirit, I needed to get out into the world and be far away from all things g.
Before gDiapers, I had spent years travelling around the world in search of adventure and wonder. But the last few years at g, I have been tunnel visioned. Our families always told us how dysfunctional it was that our ENTIRE lives revolved around gD and our boys. But we just laughed and thought “aren’t we lucky to love our work so much!” It is only now (having been gone a few months) that I can see how toxic it was.
As we criss-crossed the country with insane travel schedules, gMums would always say “how do you do it?” and I can honestly say now “I didn’t.” I over rode my body too many times, I ignored my intuition at every turn, and I lost myself in being a mum, a wife, a lover, a friend. I know I am not the only mother who has done this. I convinced myself it was in the name of love: Love for my family and love for our company. But in loosing myself, I wasn’t helping anyone. In fact, the only reason I didn’t run myself into the ground and end up in serious trouble is that my husband (and CEO) loved me enough to make the brave the decision to kick me out. It hurt. But I am grateful.
So what have I been doing all these months? I left Portland in mid February with our two boys, Fynn (the first gBaby who is now 10!) and Harper, 8. Our friend Taylor who has babysat the boys over the years and is a teacher also joined us for our adventure. We hit Japan, then Thailand and are now in Africa. The days are mixed with deep internal investigation, personal healing, and a whole lot of just ‘being’. I am loving this time with the boys. We have enough laughter and joy to balance out the harder inner work I am wrestling with. There is no going back to the way things were, both at g and with my life. So part of this trip is figuring out what unique gifts I have to share with the world, how to best contribute them, and how I want to run my energy and live my life moving forward. Sounds simple, but I’m astounded at how hard it is :0)
We have been in Arusha in Tanzania for the last two months and are loving it. I lived in Zanzibar (just of the off cost) 20 years ago for a stint and had always planned on bringing the boys back here. I am enjoying the big huge skies, the open planes, the warmth of the people, and the simplicity of living. The best part of being in Africa is that you must live in the moment. It is pointless to plan as the only guarantee is that nothing goes according to plan. So “hakuna matata” as they say…it really is a catchy phrase.